{"id":71933,"date":"2024-03-29T11:47:47","date_gmt":"2024-03-29T04:47:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/?p=71933"},"modified":"2024-03-29T11:48:50","modified_gmt":"2024-03-29T04:48:50","slug":"a-small-balding-man-demands-double-of-the-strongest-whiskey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/a-small-balding-man-demands-double-of-the-strongest-whiskey\/","title":{"rendered":"A small, balding man demands double of the strongest whiskey"},"content":{"rendered":"

A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands,\n

\u201cGimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got.\n

I\u2019m so mad, I can\u2019t even see straight.\u201c\n

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort.\n

The man swills down the drink and says, \u201cGimme another one.”\n

The bartender pours the drink but says, \u201cNow, before I give you this, why don\u2019t you let off a little steam and tell me why you\u2019re so upset?”\n

The man begins his tale. \u201cWell, I was sitting in the bar next-door, when this gorgeous lady slinks in and actually sits beside me.\n

I thought, \u2018Wow, this has never happened before.\u2019 You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true.\n

Well, a couple of minutes later, I feel this hand moving around in my lap and the lady leans over and asks if I\u2019m interested.\n

I couldn\u2019t believe this was happening. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and starts walking out of the bar.\n

So, of course, I went with her. This was just too good to be true.”\n

He continues, \u201cShe took me down the street to a nice hotel and up to her room.\n

As soon as she shut the door, she slipped out of her dress.\n

That was all she was wearing! I tell you, it didn\u2019t take me much longer to get out of my clothes.\n

But as soon as I jumped into the bed, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts fumbling with the door.\u201d\n

The lady says, \u2018Oh, my god, it\u2019s my boyfriend. He must have lost his wrestling match tonight. He\u2019s gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!\u2019\n

I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he would look, so I didn\u2019t hide there.\n

Then I looked under the bed, but I figured that he\u2019s bound to look there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the lock.\n

I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn\u2019t see me\u2026”\n

The bartender says, \u201cWell, I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this point.\u201d\n

\u201cWell, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open, and he yells, \u2018Who you been sleeping with now, w**tch?’\n

The girl says, \u2018Nobody, honey, now come to bed and calm down.\u2019 Well, the guy starts tearing up the room.\n

I hear him tear the door off the closet and throw it across the room. I\u2019m thinking, \u2018Boy, I\u2019m glad I didn\u2019t hide in there.\u2019\n

Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn\u2019t hide under there either.\n

Then I heard him say, \u2018What\u2019s that over there by the window?\u2019\n

I think, \u2018Oh God, I\u2019m dead meat now. \u2018But by now the lady is trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop looking.\n

Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom, and I hear water running for a long time.\n

I figure maybe he\u2019s gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of the window right on top of my head.\n

I mean, look at this, I got second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!”\n

The bartender says, \u201cOh man, that would have pissed me off for sure.\u201d\n

\u201cNo, that didn\u2019t really bother me. Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut over and over on my hands.\n

I mean, look at my fingers. They\u2019re a bloody mess. I can hardly hold this glass.”\n

The bartender looks at the guy\u2019s hands and says, \u201cYeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so upset.\u201d\n

\u201cNo, that wasn\u2019t what really pissed me off.\u201d The bartender then asks in exasperation,\n

\u201cWell, then, what did finally piss you off?\u201d\n

\u201cWell, I was hanging there and I turned around and looked down, and I was only about 6 inches off the ground!\u201d\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands, \u201cGimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I\u2019m so mad, I can\u2019t even see straight.\u201c The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":71945,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands,\u201cGimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got...","_seopress_robots_index":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[676],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-71933","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-jokes"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/A-small-balding-man-demands-double-of-the-strongest-whiskey.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71933","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=71933"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71933\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/71945"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=71933"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=71933"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=71933"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}