{"id":71135,"date":"2024-03-22T16:40:46","date_gmt":"2024-03-22T09:40:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alternatech.net\/?p=71135"},"modified":"2024-03-22T16:40:46","modified_gmt":"2024-03-22T09:40:46","slug":"we-are-controlling-our-kids-too-much-they-need-more-choices","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/we-are-controlling-our-kids-too-much-they-need-more-choices\/","title":{"rendered":"We Are Controlling Our Kids Too Much. They Need More Choices"},"content":{"rendered":"

If their choices won\u2019t affect their futures, let them decide for themselves\n
I believe strongly in raising independent kids, so I try to avoid stifling their creativity and self-discovery process as much as possible. So, when I\u2019m trying to figure out whether I should let them make a choice or step in and make it for them I ask myself, \u201cWill this affect their health or their future?\u201d\n
Quitting school 100% affects the future, so that\u2019s just plain out of the question. I\u2019d want to know why my child wants to quit, though, so we\u2019d definitely have a long conversation about that one. In my mind, though, hair color washes away (or grows out) and clothes are just clothes. Neither really affect my kids beyond the here and now. The only thing that\u2019s even remotely iffy there is the hair dye. So, while I\u2019d probably say yes, I\u2019d definitely make sure they used something non-toxic and safe for kids.\n
Spending all of their savings on something they\u2019re not sure they\u2019ll even like, though, can affect their future a bit more. At the very least, it\u2019s something that they could truly regret later in life (like when they\u2019re 16 and realize they could have bought a car with all of the money they blew). So, I\u2019d definitely take more care with that decision and offer more guidance.\n
Kids already have very few opportunities to control their own lives\n
In my opinion, kids have so few opportunities to exert control over their own lives as it is. At school, they\u2019re told when to sit and when to stand, when to speak and when to be quiet. Heck, half of the time they\u2019re even told when they can use the bathroom!\n
While I\u2019ll never be okay with a teacher telling a child that they can\u2019t use the bathroom, the rest of those rules make sense. Teachers can\u2019t do their jobs if kids are running amok all over the place, right? Plus, with all of the dangers that our children face in schools these days, I can understand why it\u2019s more important than ever for kids to know how to follow instructions.\n
At home, we decide their mealtimes (and what they eat, for the most part), their bedtimes, when they can go to their friends\u2019 houses and when they have to stay home, and how much screentime they can have. We even tell them when to bathe and brush their teeth.\n
Again, for each of those things, we have a pretty rational reason. We want our kids to eat healthily, get enough sleep, and have good hygiene because those things affect their health. Sometimes, we have plans as a family on days they want to play with friends, and we\u2019re trying to teach them that family comes first. It\u2019s not about controlling our kids in these cases, but about guiding them towards a life of good choices.\n
The bottom line is that we have very good reasons for making most of the major choices for our kids. But it doesn\u2019t change the fact that for every choice we make, we\u2019re taking away more and more of their sense of control over their own little bodies.\n
Giving kids choices reinforces the concept of body autonomy\n
When it comes to the things that don\u2019t really affect their physical or mental well-being or their overall success in life, I think it just makes sense to give our kids back as much control as possible. If that means letting them change their hair or wear clothes that we personally don\u2019t really prefer, then so be it.\n
Plus, there\u2019s a bigger picture at play here than just giving our kids back a little control over their lives. I let my kids have as much free reign over their hair and fashion choices for the same reason that I don\u2019t force them to hug anyone. It reinforces the concept of body autonomy.\n
As Shalon Nienow, MD of Rady Children\u2019s Hospital explains, \u201cA child who knows that they are in control of their body is less likely to fall victim to sexual abuse, sexual assault and later intimate partner violence.\u201d\n
To me, it doesn\u2019t really make sense to tell a child that they\u2019re in control of their own body, then turn around and tell them that they have to cut their hair the way we want it or wear a pink dress for no other reason than \u201cbecause I said so.\u201d I just think that sends mixed messages. If there\u2019s one time we want our message to come across loud and clear, it\u2019s when we\u2019re talking about body autonomy.\n
Long story short, I think that we need to give our kids as much freedom to find out who they are rather than telling them who they should be. It\u2019s hard, though, to figure out when to let go of control and when to hold on tighter.\n
The next time your child asks to do something, and your immediate reaction is to say \u201cno,\u201d ask yourself why. If your answer is \u201cbecause it\u2019s dangerous and he\u2019ll get hurt\u201d or \u201cbecause this choice will stick with her for the rest of her life,\u201d chances are you\u2019re making the right call.\n
On the other hand, if your answer is \u201cbecause I don\u2019t like it\u201d or \u201cbecause I said so,\u201d then you may want to reconsider. Remember, our goal should be to act as good, loving, and just authority figures, not as total authoritarians. We need to find a balance between guiding and controlling our kids. After all, children need parents, not dictators.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
If their choices won\u2019t affect their futures, let them decide for themselves I believe strongly in raising independent kids, so I try to avoid stifling their creativity and self-discovery process as much as possible. So, when I\u2019m trying to figure out whether I should let them make a choice or step in and make it\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":71144,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"\u201cChildren are more than we think they are. They can do more than we think they can do. All they need is a vote of confidence from grownups","_seopress_robots_index":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[642],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-71135","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-moral-story"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/We-Are-Controlling-Our-Kids-Too-Much.-They-Need-More-Choices.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71135","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=71135"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71135\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/71144"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=71135"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=71135"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=71135"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}