{"id":65137,"date":"2024-01-10T17:01:03","date_gmt":"2024-01-10T10:01:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alternatech.net\/?p=65137"},"modified":"2025-03-06T11:56:24","modified_gmt":"2025-03-06T04:56:24","slug":"an-old-lady-is-speeding-down-a-highway","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/an-old-lady-is-speeding-down-a-highway\/","title":{"rendered":"An old lady is speeding down a highway"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style='\"font-size:'>An old lady is speeding down a highway, when she spots a police officer with a speed gun.\n<p><span style='\"font-size:'>The officer signals for her to pull over, and then walks over and asks her with a smile:\n<p><span style='\"font-size:'><strong>\u201cWhat\u2019s the rush?\u201d\n<p><span style='\"font-size:'><strong>\u201cI\u2019m late for work.\u201d\n<p><span style='\"font-size:'><strong>\u201cSure,\u201d says the officer,<strong> \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d\n<p><span style='\"font-size:'><strong>\u201cI\u2019m a rectal distender.\u201d\n<p><span style='\"font-size:'><strong>\u201cA what? A rectal distender? And what is that, exactly?\u201d\n<p><span style='\"font-size:'><strong>\u201cWell, you see, I start by putting a finger in, then another, then I work up to three fingers, four fingers, until the whole hand is in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then slowly but surely I extend the rectum, until it\u2019s about 6 feet wide.\u201d\n<p><span style='\"font-size:'><strong>\u201cAnd what the hell do you do with a 6 feet asshole?\u201d\n<p><span style='\"font-size:'><strong>\u201cGive him a speed gun and put him by the side of the road.\u201d\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>An old lady is speeding down a highway, when she spots a police officer with a speed gun. The officer signals for her to pull over, and then walks over and asks her with a smile: \u201cWhat\u2019s the rush?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m late for work.\u201d \u201cSure,\u201d says the officer, \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m a rectal distender.\u201d\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":116215,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[676],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-65137","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-jokes"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/An-old-lady-is-speeding-down-a-highway.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65137","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=65137"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65137\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":116216,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65137\/revisions\/116216"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/116215"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=65137"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=65137"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/writehorizon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=65137"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}</p></strong></span></p></strong></span></p></strong></span></p></strong></span></p></strong></span></p></strong></strong></span></p></strong></span></p></strong></span></p></span></p></span></p>