A man ordered a voice-automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car,
“Car! Go and bring my children from school.”
The car went and didn’t return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.
Several hours later and with no car, the man became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station.
As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said,
“These are your children, sir.”
In the car, were their Landlady’s two daughters, their choir mistress’ two sons, his wife’s best friend’s daughter, their pastor’s son and their neighbour’s two sons.
The wife who was angry shouted at her husband,
“Don’t tell me all these are your children!”
The man asked her calmly,
“Can you first tell me why our children are not in the car?”
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A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says
“oh my, you have such beautiful dogs.. what are their names?”
The blonde replies
“Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex.”
The man responds
“Huh.. that’s interesting.. why did you name them such names?”
The blonde sighs and shakes her head.
“Everyone keeps asking me the same thing…
duhh, what else can you name your watch dogs??”
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A 92 year old man went to the doctor for his annual check-up.
The doctor asked the man how he was feeling, and the 92 year old said, “Things are great, and I’ve never felt better!”
“I now have a 20 year old bride who is pregnant with my child.”
“What do you think about that, doc?”
The doctor considered the question for a minute, and then began to tell a story.
“I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.”
“One day he was setting off to go hunting, but being a bit absent minded, he accidentally forgot to take his ammunition.”
“As he neared a lake, he came across a very nice beaver frolicking at the water’s edge.”
“By now, he realized he had left his ammo at home, and so, he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.”
“Nonetheless, he lifted his favorite hunting rifle, aimed down the sites, and yelled ‘bang bang’.”
“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver was slain.”
“Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.
Theelder man scatched his chin thoughtfully, then said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”
The doctor nodded,
“My thoughts exactly.”
A Man Goes Doctor’S Office To Get Double Dose Of Viagra
A man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra.
The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose.
“Why not?” asked the man.
“Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor.
“But I need it really bad,” said the man.
“Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor.
The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday.
My ex-wife will be here on Saturday, and my wife is coming home on Sunday.
Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.”
The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you,
but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.”
On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling.
The doctor asked, “What happened to you?”
The man said, “No one showed up.”
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My granddaughter was discussing the expected arrival of a new brother for her 4-year-old son, Matthew. She told Matthew that you can’t predict the exact date of birth. “You were expected on Aug. 19,” she said, “but arrived on Aug. 11.” Matthew thought for a moment and then said, “Oh! I’m so lucky I was born on my birthday!”
MECHANICAL KID
When my grandson, Jimmy, was 4 or 5, we asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. “I want to be a machine,” he said without hesitation. When we asked him why, he explained, “Well, you can replace the parts in a machine when they wear out.”
STAY-AT-HOME KID
One day when my son David was 5 years old, he informed me that he no longer wanted to go to day care because the other kids were all babies. He said he was a big boy and could stay home alone while I worked. So I asked him, “Who will make your lunch? You can’t reach the stove.”
He quickly replied, “I’ll make a salad.”
COMING SOON
Mom and Dad told Julia, our granddaughter, that she was going to have a baby sister or brother. “It’s a secret and we don’t tell secrets,” they said.
In Sunday school class, Julia’s teacher asked if anyone had a prayer request. Julia said, “I don’t tell secrets, but it’s going to be born next summer.”
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“Honey..your favourite breakfast is ready on the table, I had to leave early to buy grocery… I’ll come running back to you, my love. I love you…. ”
He gets surprised and asks his son.., ‘what happened last night..?’
Son told: ” when mom pulled you to bed and tried removing your boots and shirt.. you were dead drunk and you said…… Hey Lady! Leave Me Alone… I M Married !!!”
Thats True Love… its all crazy:))
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2.
Son: Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl.
Father: That’s great son. Who is she?
Son: It’s Sandra, the neighbour’s daughter.
Father: Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.
The boy is naturally bummed out; but a couple of months later:
Son: Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!
Father: That’s great son. Who is she?
Son: It’s Angela, the other neighbour’s daughter.
Father: Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Angela is also your sister. This went on couple of times and sor was so mad, He went straight to his mother crying.
Son : Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because dad is their father!
The mother hugs him affectionately and says: My love, You can date whoever you want. He isn’t your Father..!!